Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
