his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
