Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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