it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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