arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
