It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
