Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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