Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
