my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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