He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
