It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
