I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
