i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
