Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
