i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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