I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
