Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
