If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
