I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
