This is not my ceiling
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
