I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
