Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize