I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
