that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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