My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
