don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
