I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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