It's Friday. Sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
