I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize