I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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