You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
