I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize