nut hugger
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
