if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
