I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
