Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
