omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
