So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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