I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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