i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
