We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
