I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
