yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize