i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
