Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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