Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
