Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
