$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
