Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
