not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
