I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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