just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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