Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
