Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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