pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
