My liver just broke up with me...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
