i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
