They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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