they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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