I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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