smell my finger.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
