dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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