I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
