At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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