I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize