ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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