I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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