I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize