I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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