No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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