i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
