You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
