I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
