We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
