I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
