Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize